“I feel bad because my lunch is twice bigger than the others’”
“I will not go to the gym because the others will judge me and my weight”
We have all experienced similar thoughts and fear of judgement.

Humans have this inner sense of comparing ourselves to the others. Unfortunately, this behaviour has more negative than positive consequences on your mind and personal growth. I explain you how to detach from the fear of judgement and comparison behaviors in 3 steps.

A common example I see (and I did for long too) is comparing quantities of food eaten amongst people. As a result, we create mental images of us “eating too much compared to John” or “eating too fat compared to Mom” … These comparisons have non-sense and only pull us down.

Common results of such behaviours:

  • Lower self-esteem: used in a negative way, we send a message to our mind that “the others are doing better” or “we are not as good as him”. Hence, we knock down our self-esteem. Repeatedly, we can totally loose confidence in our skills and will to succeed.
  • Self-limiting thoughts: generally we perceive differences between the others and us as limitations of our potential. In our minds, we emphasize what we cannot or do not do yet. Thus, we create a negative speech where we see ourselves as limited or stuck.
  • External success metrics: increasingly, the comparison becomes unconscious and shifts our metrics of success to external factors. We become dependent on the others’ appreciation, feedback, etc. Problem is we have no control on these external metrics and they can ruin our self-perception.
  • Instant conclusion: based on elements that lead us to compare ourselves, we draw an instant conclusion. We anchor an image or a memory based on a single factor instead of looking at the overall picture or journey for both people.

What you should do:

If you want to progress, move forward and achieve goals, you should better stop this now! Watching what the others do will not make you reach your personal objectives. As well, it will not make you happier!

The difference between people who are satisfied of their life and those constantly searching for more is that happy people measure their success based on their own actions or choices. They do not compare who they are, what they do with the world around. Instead, they define their personal goals, according to what they desire in life. Then, they follow their own perception of what is right, wrong, good or bad.

Race against yourself, not against the others – Robin Sharma

I share with you techniques to help you detach from your fear of judgement and slow down this auto-comparison with the people around.

1. Catch yourself comparing

First, become aware of what, when, how, who? Next time you catch yourself in such a moment of self-comparison, analyse what exactly are you assessing? When does it occur? How do you compare? Who are the people?

Awareness is the very first element to successfully change a habit. Be honest with yourself when asking these questions. Finding the answers will only help you to better know what needs to change.

2. Determine your personal success metrics

Second, define your own metrics of success and base them on personal factors. Instead of looking for “how many likes” you got on social media or “how many more biscuits you ate compared to Nathan”, choose a personal scale of assessment.

Shift from external to internal metrics: how happy you feel when doing this, how much you learn from that or how well this meal fits in your diet.

3. Turn the comparison into a positive intent

You may not fully stop comparing yourself and that’s fine! Use these remaining moments for a growth-purpose. Use these comparisons with the positive intent of growing from the differences you notice.

Change your self-talk to positively uplift yourself: “I am not eating as much veggies as Mike, maybe I could have some more for dinner” or “Gabriel is running faster than me, I can improve my run and be as fast next year”.

Applying these 3 methods will make you detach from your fear of judgement and find your own success metrics. Throughout the time, you will become in control of your perception of happiness and success.

I sincerely hope these tips help you in your journey 😉

Feel free to be in touch if you would like to work on specific fears or thoughts.

Alice Avril, Self-Mastery Coach
Become the Master of your Life now: aliceavril.com
We empower you with lifelong self-confidence for a fulfilled life!

Request your Free Discovery Session